whole (n.) - a thing that is complete in itself

The winter months are lonely. You’re surrounded by people at home, at school, even online through long-distance relationships, but it still feels so, so lonely. You seek touch a little more; maybe try extra hard to make sure you spend quality time with your loved ones. You feel cosy for a moment, just a moment, then it wears off and the emptiness viciously returns. You reach out to someone you trust and you talk about it. You decide to isolate yourself even more. None of it matters, because no matter what you do you’ve never felt this alone, and for some reason, the constant chill in your toes and fingertips is only making it worse.

You might be wondering: why? Why do you feel that way? And to that I say: I can’t be sure; it might be the ‘winter blues,’ in which case it might be worth soaking up as much sunlight as possible these upcoming months. However, if you don’t think that’s the case, then the problem might be that you’re not well adjusted enough in your own presence. It's important to distinguish that loneliness doesn’t necessarily mean being alone, but is rather synonymous with feeling alone. It runs so deep in this case that no amount of people serving as distractions for yourself can truly shake it off.

So what can you do about it? Well, first, you need to learn more about yourself. I know; that probably sounds both stupid and incredibly unappealing, but it’s a good place to start. You can do this more traditionally by practising mindfulness, maybe keeping away 20-30 minutes a day completely away from your phone and other distractions to focus on yourself. I find that I get really restless doing that, though, so instead I try to get to know myself by doing an activity that requires me to be vulnerable. That can be anything: from trying out painting for the first time in a while, to writing poetry that will never see the light of day, keeping a messy journal that you only write in when you really need it, praying, or even writing out an article for the school newspaper about how it feels like you might never feel whole. It can really be as simple as sharing something you’re passionate about with someone you trust.

It also helps to try and befriend yourself; you’re quite literally stuck in your own company all the time- to the very end of it. To quote an article by PsychAlive:

In order to find ourselves and fulfil our unique destinies, we must differentiate from destructive interpersonal, familial and societal influences that don’t serve us.

And yes, this means to address negative self-talk, amongst other things. It helps to have good company, including yourself. I try to talk to myself the way I’d talk to a friend, or even a stranger because if I can practice kindness with strangers, I surely have it in me to follow through with myself. You don’t deserve any kind of harsh treatment from anyone, least of all yourself. You’re enough as you are.

Don’t hesitate to reach out to people you trust when things get hard. Even if they sometimes can’t do much to help, knowing that you have a good support system to lean on is always a great solace in itself.

In addition to all that, I think it helps to spend time with nature. Take every chance you get to take a walk outdoors this winter. If you do it alone, do it for a long time, stare at the sky and the trees, listen to music, or a podcast, or an audiobook, or just the sounds of the wind and the people as they go through their day and become background noise in yours, and breath. The next time it rains, set some time aside to watch it. Listen to it as it knocks on your windows. Be honest when it asks you if you’re doing well; let it comfort you.

Finding yourself, truly understanding yourself, and getting comfortable in your own company is a never-ending process that we all have to embark on. It’s part of what allows us to grow as people and to always try and better ourselves. So be patient with it. I hope you know that you’re not alone on that journey, and I hope that somewhere along the way you can take a walk on a cold morning all alone with no headphones on and feel content- feel whole.