LEARN TO FORGIVE YOURSELF

By: Selsabeel Al- Baqir

Dated: February 23, 2020

In our cumbersome lives and stressful daily school routines, there’s far too much room for slip-ups. There’s probably one thing in the back of your mind that’s painful to remember. Perhaps one day you might have said something unintentionally rude and hurt someone dear to you. You might have disappointed your teachers and parents. Maybe you feel self-conscious and hate your appearance. Or even worse, perhaps you woke up in the morning one day angry with the reflection looking back at you in the mirror, thinking, “I hate you”.

Especially to those who blame themselves for things out of their control, if you worked hard and things didn’t turn out well, then that was simply what was decreed to happen. Why are you being so harsh on yourself?

Do you think things will always turn out the way you planned? Without any bumps along the way? Instead of fearing those downfalls or blaming yourself for every obstacle you face, know that these are just temporary hardships that you have to, and will, overcome.

Unfortunately, we are not perfectly programmed beings. We won't always say the right thing at the right time, and we can't possibly get everyone to like us. Sometimes we'll even have negative thoughts about the things we were born with that are out of our control and blame ourselves unfairly.    Funnily enough, you cannot just ask God for a refund of your body or devise a Karen plan and scream vehemently at the manager to get it fixed. Not only that, it’s actually incredibly disrespectful. Allah says in the Qur’aan,

هُوَ الَّذِي يُصَوِّرُكُمْ فِي الْأَرْحَامِ كَيْفَ يَشَاءُ ۚ لَا إِلَٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ الْعَزِيزُ الْحَكِيمُ It is He who forms you in the wombs however He wills. There is no deity except Him, the

Exalted in Might, the Wise." [3:6]  

Allah says the word sawarrakum which can mean to mold or fashion something. This signifies that God created us with the utmost precision. Everything about us was completely on purpose.  However, take heed and do not take this as encouragement for recurrent self-destructive behavior. Don't let your actions send you into a self-deprecating loop of thoughts.  Just because something happens often, does not mean that this action defines you and is unchangeable. If you are a person who neglects their work and wastes all their time aimlessly procrastinating, then at this moment in time, you are a slacker wasting your parents’ hard-earned money. You don’t have to always be this person, but, at this current moment in time, you are. I am often this person too, but with a flick of a page, suddenly I am so motivated I become a nerd capable of studying for 12 hours. Just encouraging yourself and envisioning yourself differently goes a long way. It’s true that at times, we behave in abhorrent ways. We say disgusting things to undeserving people. Sometimes we don’t just slip up, we fall down the entire stairway and break a few bones. But it’s okay, because we can learn to forgive ourselves, adapt, and overcome our faults and become better than what we were yesterday.